How to annoy Durza the Shadeplus a parody
by Dragon Rider of Alagaesia
Summary: These are my take on how to annoy Durza, PLUS parody chapters to go along with it! R and R!
1. Chapter 1

How to annoy Durza:

1. Say that his hair is just a really dark color of pink

2. Claim that he has a major crush on Arya and that was why he didn't kill her

3. Say that he is mad at Eragon because Arya likes him better

4. Be sure to mention his slow changing appearance in the movie

5. Especially the battle scene where he majorally needed chapstick and hair spray

6. Tell him he needs to get out of the dungeons more often….or people will think he is a ghost

7. Constantly call him the "King's Pet"

8. Make fun of his girly glitter robe

9. Claim that he bought it at a discount price

20. Then run for your life

21. Tell him that Murtagh is the King's "new" right hand man and that he is sooo "last century"

22. Be sure to mention that he was stupid enough to fall for Eragon's fake "true" name

23. Tell the Ra'zac about his fear of the dark

24. Then laugh and run

25. Be sure to mention that the King's "Top warrior" had his butt kicked by a "little bitty farm boy"


	2. The Troublesome Twosome

Okay people'z!!! Here is my followup for "how to annoy rules" I'll add additional ones later…

Disclaimer: If I had owned "Eragon" then I would have directed the movie MYSELF, given away the third book's name by now, killed off Arya and gotten Eragon a human girlfriend, and I would make Murtagh turn good again. So, yeah…I guess you get the point…. I don't own it!

If you like parodies and their outrageous goofiness, then read my full plot parodies for even more fun:D

Oh, and my invisible friend Bob will be our guest star and narrator in this chapter!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Bob: Psst! Eragon!

Eragon: Who said that? –looks around and turns in circles-

Bob: Oh… Oops! I forgot to stop being invisible! –turns visible-

Eragon: AAAAAHHHH!!! MY EYES!!! TOOOOO HORRIBLE!!!

Bob: Oh sure! I wear my unicorn shirt for ONE day and everyone just has to overreact!!!

Eragon: Well it does kinda clash….

Bob: Urghh…

Murtagh: -pops in-

Bob: At last! Is that everyone???

Murtagh: -stares-

Bob: What are YOU staring at???

Murtagh: -continues to stare- ….uh..is-is…is that a…a…a-a…UNICORN??????!!??? –tries to contain laughing-

Bob: -sighs- I get it, I get it! Ignore my clothes and listen up! Because WE have a job to do!!!! A job of ANNOYING Durza.

Eragon: WHEEEEE!!!! We get to annoy Durzy Wurzy!!! Did ya hear that Murtagh???!!!??

Murtagh: Whatever. –grabs a blowtorch and "Annoying for Emo Warriors" book-

Bob: Ready?

Eragon: YEEEESSSS!!! WHEEEE!!!

Murtagh: Whatever.

Bob: Riiight…

[They all jump into a portal to Durza's castle

Eragon: Hehehehe…Durzy decorates his house with glittery wallpaper…hehehhee

Murtagh: Is that a kitten poster?

Eragon: Hehehehee.

[Durza walks through carrying a romance novel

Durza: Wha?!? Uh…I-I..I was just uhhhh…-hides romance book-…

Eragon: DURZY!!! Ol'd buddy ol' pal!!!

Bob: Nice pink hair.

Durza: It's NOT pink!

Eragon: Is so!

Durza: Is not!

Bob: Is so!

Durza: Is not!

Murtagh: -looks through Durza's photo album- Heeeeey! Guys, look at this! Durza fills his photo album with pictures of Arya! –snickers-

Durza: NO! It's not what you think!!!

Bob: You liiiike her!! You L-O-V-E her!!!

Durza: -blushes-

Eragon: Durza and Arya sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N- naACK! –Durza grabs him by the neck-

Durza: Cut it OUT!

Bob: Ooooh! Girlfriend jealousy!!! Arya would like the super cool dragon rider waaaaay before the evil minion!

Durza: No…no...-whimpers-

Murtagh: I don't see any chapstick here…

Bob: Yeah…ya know you really DO need some of that Durza, no offense and all, but you could use some concealer too. Your lips are positively icky!

Eragon: And don't get us started about THAT hair! –throws a can of hairspray at Durza-

Durza: You can't do this! It's harassment!!! I am a citizen and I have my rights, an evil citizen, but a citizen none-the-less!!!

Bob: Well maybe if you got out of the dungeon more then you would have a nicer attitude…and you'd have a tan. Speaking of which, YOU LOOK LIKE A GHOST!!!

Eragon: Yeah…sorta like Murtagh…

Murtagh: Hey!

Durza: It's not MY fault. I killed my last make-up artist in an angry rage…

Murtagh: Uh huh.

Eragon: Eeh! You have a girly glitter robe!!! Teehee!

Durza: Well it's more than a farmboy could afford! It's a name brand!

Murtagh: Really? Somebody pinch me! The King's pet can afford a name brand outfit!

Eragon: I bet he REALLY got it at a discount price!

Durza: Did not!

All: Did so!!

Murtagh: You're just jealous cause they killed you off in the books and made ME the King's new right hand man, non glittery outfit and all.

Durza:…I-I…I was going to kill him anyway!

Eragon: But you didn't because you fell for MY plan! Hey….I had a plan! ME! ME! ME!

Murtagh: Get over it Eragon.

Eragon: Right, sorry…

Durza: SECURITY!!!!

[They all run off except for Bob.

Bob: -sticks out tongue-

Durza: …childish…

Bob: You're the one who got whupped by a wittle bitty farm boy. –poofs away-

Durza: WHA?!?...darn…he stole my poofing spell….

Bob: The end!

Durza: The end of you, you mean!

Bob: uh…AAAAAHHH! –starts running-

Durza: -runs after him-

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Push the pretty button!!

You know you want to


End file.
